Am I The Only One Who's Been Sucked Into "Desperate Housewives?"

[Razor]

I admit it.

I am 100% officially hooked. Anyone else?

[Pila]

I watch it just to check out Teri's boobies and that utter chick doing the gardner.

[Humbird]

Missed it again. I was watching a History Channel show on the Soviet space program in the 1960's. Fascinating.

[Razor]

Missed it again. I was watching a History Channel show on the Soviet space program in the 1960's. Fascinating.

Oh come on - where's your sense of humor?! This show rocks in a guilty pleasure kind of way! It's like a cross between Knot's Landing and Twin Peaks - and both have Nicollette Sheridan! Toss in Teri Hatcher and Eva Longoria and you have a recipe for success.

The mother-in-law from hell (who was also the mother-in-law from that awful Portuguese movie set in Fall River we were all talking about a few months ago)got hit by Bree's drunk teenage son as she was running out of the house after catching Gabrielle (her daughter-in-law) and gardner/lover in the sack and snapping some photos as evidence. Before the ambulance comes, she steals the camera from the crime scene while Bree and her estranged husband Rex hide their son's car to hide the damaged Saab as evidence. Actual writing for a television show - who'd a thunk it in this day and age?

On a related note, we received an invite to our new neighborhood's "Adults only" holiday party for this December, even though we don't move in until February. I personally cannot wait to take in the personalities and subplots as "the outsiders". I'm already picking up on some recurring subplots that already in play, so to speak. I've had two or three mysterious references to "the doctor" at #25 whose mysterious behavior raises eyebrows around the neighborhood. Conversely, I can't help but sense that there's some speculation from the current residents as to "the new couple at #4" via subtle references with the builder/neighbor and another neighbor who we met over the weekend.

I am definitely going to start keeping a journal!

[JureM]

I haven't watched it at all..hell I didn't even know there was such a show until all that controversy.

[Pila]

Now that's interesting! Keep your journal here - already, you know there's Hall-Of-Fame meterial to be had here. Like waiting for that brief, perfectly angled ray of sunlight on Teri's tight tee, I giggle in anticipation.

BTW, I missed last night's. Was it good?

[JureM]

Terri has a nice rack?

[Razor]

BTW, I missed last night's. Was it good?

The best episode yet. It felt like a season finale type of episode. Very well done with a lot of cliffhanger/plot twist dealy-thingies (writer's term). Frankly - I'm suprised they blew all these great ideas on a mid-season episode. Besides the two juicy nuggets I detailed above...

- Felicity Huffman is now addicted to ADD meds and was so jacked up that she blew doors on her husband's big Ad pitch (not since Darren and Samantha Stevens have I ever heard of Admen having colleagues over for dinner to pitch ideas for a new account while their wives cooked for them) by blurting out ideas his boss was eating up like a Tourette's patient.

- Teri Hatcher's new boyfriend has a mysterious stranger come to visit that Teri thinks is an old flame, but in fact has come to check on Mike's progress to find out what happened to her sister (who's her sister? What happened to her? Who knows?). The bottom line - he is not what he appears

- Mary Alice's husband hires a hitman to locate the person who was blackmailing his wife before she killed herself. Turns out it's Edie (Nicolette Sheridan) and the episode ends with the private dick/hitman chatting up a drunk Edie during garbage time at a local bar; the same bar where Teri Hatcher is knocked unconcious by the mechanical bull while she's trying to impress Mike (who she has followed there to spy upon with Kendra, his mystery friend)

Oh yeah - and Gabrielle makes cameos in a velvet jogging suit and lingerie!

Rock on!

[Timmy]

I've been sucked into the riot at the Pacers game. I can watch that over and over without getting sick of it.

[Humbird]

Oh come on - where's your sense of humor?! This show rocks in a guilty pleasure kind of way! It's like a cross between Knot's Landing and Twin Peaks - and both have Nicollette Sheridan! Toss in Teri Hatcher and Eva Longoria and you have a recipe for success.!

Bah, a bunch of oversexed housewives have nothing on the Soviet space program. It's got it all: international spies and intrigue, danger, explosions, fire, death, tragedy, really bad fashion.

[Razor]

Bah, a bunch of oversexed housewives have nothing on the Soviet space program. It's got it all: international spies and intrigue, danger, explosions, fire, death, tragedy, really bad fashion.

Now that's an idea for a show - a 60s-style thriller set in the heat of the space race with Teri Hatcher, Eva Longoria, Nicolette Sheridan and Raxor in orbit together in Vostok 6. Think "Moonraker" meets "As the World Turns". I'll call it "Cosmonuts".

[Humbird]

Now that's an idea for a show - a 60s-style thriller set in the heat of the space race with Teri Hatcher, Eva Longoria, Nicolette Sheridan and Raxor in orbit together in Vostok 6. Think "Moonraker" meets "As the World Turns". I'll call it "Cosmonuts".

what about the scene when your craft docks with that of Catherine Razor Jones?

[Pila]

Now that's an idea for a show - a 60s-style thriller set in the heat of the space race with Teri Hatcher, Eva Longoria, Nicolette Sheridan and Raxor in orbit together in Vostok 6. Think "Moonraker" meets "As the World Turns". I'll call it "Cosmonuts".Bwahahahaha!

There's gotta be room for a space chimp in there somewhere - I'd love the part! I can walk around like a primate with thumbs on his feet like it's nobody's business?!

[Humbird]

Bwahahahaha!

There's gotta be room for a space chimp in there somewhere - I'd love the part! I can walk around like a primate with thumbs on his feet like it's nobody's business?!

As producer, I want to see an audition tape before you get the role.

[JureM]

Will the chimp have implants too?

[Razor]

Bwahahahaha!

There's gotta be room for a space chimp in there somewhere - I'd love the part! I can walk around like a primate with thumbs on his feet like it's nobody's business?!

You are so right - you just got an executive producer credit. You're going places my boy!

A man, his monkey, cuecanauts with Russian accents. This show is writing itself.

What do we name the monkey? Yuri? Copernicus?

[Razor]

what about the scene when your craft docks with that of Catherine Razor Jones?

I call that episode "London, we have a breach".

[Tim]

...been watching it since the first episode. Great stuff. Can't wait to see what happens to the mother-in-law, whether they have her kick the bucket or live through, and, if it is the latter, how much of her "photo session" she'll remember.

[Razor]

...been watching it since the first episode. Great stuff. Can't wait to see what happens to the mother-in-law, whether they have her kick the bucket or live through, and, if it is the latter, how much of her "photo session" she'll remember.

Ooh! Yes! The ol' amnesia plot device! You're head writer on "Cosmonuts!"!

Seriously - do you think Edie will get whacked?

[Tim]

Seriously - do you think Edie will get whacked?

On the surface, it seems like she will--5,000 for her to get hurt and 10,000 for her to die, and I think the preview mentioned that one of them won't live through the next episode--but the most obvious result is not always the most interesting. Whereas I don't think the story would have a whole to gain if she were kept alive, like it would if the mother-in-law lives through but might not remember everything immediately, it would nevertheless be an interesting twist if someone else where to get it when everyone expects Edie to be the one to die.

[Humbird]

I call that episode "London, we have a breach".

Scene:

The airlock opens. Catherine Razor-Jones awaits in the Soviet spacecraft wearing nothing but gravity boots and a full length sable coat. Raxor makes his way through the airlock door. He wears a strategically placed miniature American flag. Catherine holds a bottle of Russian vodka. "Shall we?" she asks. "Most definitely," answers Raxor. "We do what we must for the sake of international peace and cooperation." "Nyet Baby!" says Catherine, suddenly gripping Raxor with her iron Russian thighs.

?

Whoops. wrong film.

[Razor]

Scene:

The airlock opens. Catherine Razor-Jones awaits in the Soviet spacecraft wearing nothing but gravity boots and a full length sable coat. Raxor makes his way through the airlock door. He wears a strategically placed miniature American flag. Catherine holds a bottle of Russian vodka. "Shall we?" she asks. "Most definitely," answers Raxor. "We do what we must for the sake of international peace and cooperation." "Nyet Baby!" says Catherine, suddenly gripping Raxor with her iron Russian thighs.

?

Whoops. wrong film.

Her lips say "nyet", but her eyes say, "da".

I liked the sable touch- I picture her waking up in the spoon position with the monkey, looking at the monkey and screaming, looking at the camera and screaming, looking back at the monkey/more screaming...

[Pila]

I don't know what the "Spoon Position" is, but I like it!

[Razor]

I don't know what the "Spoon Position" is, but I like it!

How'd you get Mrs. P pregnant anyway?

[Pila]

Razor - some how related to all this is a group of neighbors I have who are Jet fans and tailgate on their driveway. They have a dedicated group of about 20 or so fans I've nicknamed "The Jackass Crew." Or JAC, for short.

Too entertaining - I'm running out of time today, so I'll just leave you with this for now:

Everyweek, their pregame ritual consists of propane grills catching fire, rituals of backyard wrestling destruction of at least one folding table a week and at least one visit from an overmatched town patrol car and an indestructible icebox with a bottomless pit for canned lite beer, but no room for ice.

Just imagine the possibilities.

[Humbird]

ah hem!

Scriptwriters please remember that all the action takes place in zero-gravity! I'm not sure a spoon position is possible without velcro or glue.

[Pila]

How'd you get Mrs. P pregnant anyway?I don't remember, but that's because I probably wasn't there.

[JureM]

ah hem!

Scriptwriters please remember that all the action takes place in zero-gravity! I'm not sure a spoon position is possible without velcro or glue.


Yeah but I think a 69 position could work beautifully.

[Ogolo]

Is their a lot of sex and nutidy...and is Terri the chick that used to be in the Superman series...cuz shes hotttttt :love2: :love:

[Razor]

Razor - some how related to all this is a group of neighbors I have who are Jet fans and tailgate on their driveway. They have a dedicated group of about 20 or so fans I've nicknamed "The Jackass Crew." Or JAC, for short.

Too entertaining - I'm running out of time today, so I'll just leave you with this for now:

Everyweek, their pregame ritual consists of propane grills catching fire, rituals of backyard wrestling destruction of at least one folding table a week and at least one visit from an overmatched town patrol car and an indestructible icebox with a bottomless pit for canned lite beer, but no room for ice.

Just imagine the possibilities.

BWAHAHA - :laugh2:

I love it! Please take a half day and capture this the way I know only you can. Please tell me there's facepainting involved. Oh please say it's so.

[Razor]

I don't remember, but that's because I probably wasn't there.

:rotfl:

You're killing me-

[Razor]

ah hem!

Scriptwriters please remember that all the action takes place in zero-gravity! I'm not sure a spoon position is possible without velcro or glue.

I thought you said this was a "docking" scene?

[Humbird]

I thought you said this was a "docking" scene?

Yes. So? For docking you must use your fore and aft orbital thrusters.

Duh!

[Marco]

Razor...this show has totally warped your mind. I don't think I've ever seen someone say or use the words "sucked" and "desperate housewives" in the same sentence.

[Pila]

Razor - The star of the group is "Curtis", as in I wear Curtis' Jersey every week. However, by the third Miller Lite, jersey comes off for the beer bath ritual, where he pours beer down his bare chest. That's when his mates get involved. "Pennington" usually proceeds by body slamming "Curtis" on a folding table.

If the folding table is lucky enough to survive that stunt, its luck is short-lived cuz "Abraham" usually gets to finish it off with a shoulder tackle on Curtis that usually ends up with Curtis fumbling his canned beer on his way to completely demolishing the folding table.

This is where gets real interesting...

Now the entire JAC crew joins in on the celebration. In almost choreographed unison, they stomp on the broken pieces in some kind of triumphant man vs. plastic mayhem. There are even a few chairs throwing in for good measure. Once, "Curtis" ran back to his backyard and emerged with a freshly butchered deer spine with the head still attached - ran around stomping the remaining pieces into smithereens while holding the deer spine and head high above his own.

By this time, the grill is usually on fire with flames reaching dangerous levels. Usually the JAC crew remedies the issue by pouring their lite beer on the grill until the flames are under control. Occasionally, that's not enough to get the flames under control and they must seek other forms of FAA approved fire-battling devices. This is usually where they seek the assistance of the amazing and indestructible icebox...

The Ice Box

Now given the nature of these rituals, few items actually live to see a second Jets game. Except for this amazing magical piece of blue synthetic plastic. This icebox makes it to every tailgate party. It produces limitless lite canned beer. It serves as a seat to 300lbs. plus Pennington. Sometimes Two, and even three, of the JAC crew stand on it to get a better view of Curtis' performances. The icebox lid has long ago fallen off its hinges - but even this appears to have been done by design, as they occasionally use it to beat each other over the head with it. Its use seems limitless, except I've never seen ice in it. You kind of get the feeling that if the icebox was to one day fail in one of its many functions, these weekly rituals would cease.

Anyways - if pouring canned beer fails to get the grill fire under control, the lid usually does the trick. Pretty amazing, really, because it kind of throws everything you learned in boy scouts about fire management right out the window. For instance, we learned that fanning the fire helps the fire grow. This law is true in nature, of course, evidenced by forest fires on windy days, etc. Yet, using the lid to fan the flames of a JAC grill fire seems to get the flames under control, which then – with amazing expertise – they lay the lid on the fire and extinguish it by smothering it with the lid. It then makes its way back to the icebox completely unharmed. Amazing.

By around 11 that morning, they begin cleaning up the beautifully orchestrated mayhem. By 11:15, a mini bus with a Jets logo on it, picks up the JAC crew and takes them to the game, I imagine. Unless it’s an away game, where the JAC retreats inside. Only lord knows what kind of mystical rituals go on inside… but I’ve been half-inclined to one day buying a Jets Jersey and see if I can make my way inside to observe this most peculiar phenomenon.

Somehow you get the impression this isn’t a whole lot different than what Portistas must do on their Sundays, just add caves.

[Humbird]

Have you thought of hosting a junket at your house on game day. I bet you guys could make the JAC's look like wimps.

[RedEagle]

Razor - The star of the group is "Curtis", as in I wear Curtis' Jersey every week. However, by the third Miller Lite, jersey comes off for the beer bath ritual, where he pours beer down his bare chest. That's when his mates get involved. "Pennington" usually proceeds by body slamming "Curtis" on a folding table.

If the folding table is lucky enough to survive that stunt, its luck is short-lived cuz "Abraham" usually gets to finish it off with a shoulder tackle on Curtis that usually ends up with Curtis fumbling his canned beer on his way to completely demolishing the folding table.

This is where gets real interesting...

Now the entire JAC crew joins in on the celebration. In almost choreographed unison, they stomp on the broken pieces in some kind of triumphant man vs. plastic mayhem. There are even a few chairs throwing in for good measure. Once, "Curtis" ran back to his backyard and emerged with a freshly butchered deer spine with the head still attached - ran around stomping the remaining pieces into smithereens while holding the deer spine and head high above his own.

By this time, the grill is usually on fire with flames reaching dangerous levels. Usually the JAC crew remedies the issue by pouring their lite beer on the grill until the flames are under control. Occasionally, that's not enough to get the flames under control and they must seek other forms of FAA approved fire-battling devices. This is usually where they seek the assistance of the amazing and indestructible icebox...

The Ice Box

Now given the nature of these rituals, few items actually live to see a second Jets game. Except for this amazing magical piece of blue synthetic plastic. This icebox makes it to every tailgate party. It produces limitless lite canned beer. It serves as a seat to 300lbs. plus Pennington. Sometimes Two, and even three, of the JAC crew stand on it to get a better view of Curtis' performances. The icebox lid has long ago fallen off its hinges - but even this appears to have been done by design, as they occasionally use it to beat each other over the head with it. Its use seems limitless, except I've never seen ice in it. You kind of get the feeling that if the icebox was to one day fail in one of its many functions, these weekly rituals would cease.

Anyways - if pouring canned beer fails to get the grill fire under control, the lid usually does the trick. Pretty amazing, really, because it kind of throws everything you learned in boy scouts about fire management right out the window. For instance, we learned that fanning the fire helps the fire grow. This law is true in nature, of course, evidenced by forest fires on windy days, etc. Yet, using the lid to fan the flames of a JAC grill fire seems to get the flames under control, which then – with amazing expertise – they lay the lid on the fire and extinguish it by smothering it with the lid. It then makes its way back to the icebox completely unharmed. Amazing.

By around 11 that morning, they begin cleaning up the beautifully orchestrated mayhem. By 11:15, a mini bus with a Jets logo on it, picks up the JAC crew and takes them to the game, I imagine. Unless it’s an away game, where the JAC retreats inside. Only lord knows what kind of mystical rituals go on inside… but I’ve been half-inclined to one day buying a Jets Jersey and see if I can make my way inside to observe this most peculiar phenomenon.

Somehow you get the impression this isn’t a whole lot different than what Portistas must do on their Sundays, just add caves.


Holy shit this funny....I'm dying over here and I don't think I can get myself together for a big lunch meeting coming up.

[Humbird]

Holy shit this funny....I'm dying over here and I don't think I can get myself together for a big lunch meeting coming up.

bring an ice box to the meeting! :D

[Razor]

Razor - The star of the group is "Curtis", as in I wear Curtis' Jersey every week. However, by the third Miller Lite, jersey comes off for the beer bath ritual, where he pours beer down his bare chest. That's when his mates get involved. "Pennington" usually proceeds by body slamming "Curtis" on a folding table.

If the folding table is lucky enough to survive that stunt, its luck is short-lived cuz "Abraham" usually gets to finish it off with a shoulder tackle on Curtis that usually ends up with Curtis fumbling his canned beer on his way to completely demolishing the folding table.

This is where gets real interesting...

Now the entire JAC crew joins in on the celebration. In almost choreographed unison, they stomp on the broken pieces in some kind of triumphant man vs. plastic mayhem. There are even a few chairs throwing in for good measure. Once, "Curtis" ran back to his backyard and emerged with a freshly butchered deer spine with the head still attached - ran around stomping the remaining pieces into smithereens while holding the deer spine and head high above his own.

By this time, the grill is usually on fire with flames reaching dangerous levels. Usually the JAC crew remedies the issue by pouring their lite beer on the grill until the flames are under control. Occasionally, that's not enough to get the flames under control and they must seek other forms of FAA approved fire-battling devices. This is usually where they seek the assistance of the amazing and indestructible icebox...

The Ice Box

Now given the nature of these rituals, few items actually live to see a second Jets game. Except for this amazing magical piece of blue synthetic plastic. This icebox makes it to every tailgate party. It produces limitless lite canned beer. It serves as a seat to 300lbs. plus Pennington. Sometimes Two, and even three, of the JAC crew stand on it to get a better view of Curtis' performances. The icebox lid has long ago fallen off its hinges - but even this appears to have been done by design, as they occasionally use it to beat each other over the head with it. Its use seems limitless, except I've never seen ice in it. You kind of get the feeling that if the icebox was to one day fail in one of its many functions, these weekly rituals would cease.

Anyways - if pouring canned beer fails to get the grill fire under control, the lid usually does the trick. Pretty amazing, really, because it kind of throws everything you learned in boy scouts about fire management right out the window. For instance, we learned that fanning the fire helps the fire grow. This law is true in nature, of course, evidenced by forest fires on windy days, etc. Yet, using the lid to fan the flames of a JAC grill fire seems to get the flames under control, which then – with amazing expertise – they lay the lid on the fire and extinguish it by smothering it with the lid. It then makes its way back to the icebox completely unharmed. Amazing.

By around 11 that morning, they begin cleaning up the beautifully orchestrated mayhem. By 11:15, a mini bus with a Jets logo on it, picks up the JAC crew and takes them to the game, I imagine. Unless it’s an away game, where the JAC retreats inside. Only lord knows what kind of mystical rituals go on inside… but I’ve been half-inclined to one day buying a Jets Jersey and see if I can make my way inside to observe this most peculiar phenomenon.

Somehow you get the impression this isn’t a whole lot different than what Portistas must do on their Sundays, just add caves.

:clap: Bravo!

I particularly loved the Pila-as-Dian Fossey suggestion. That would make a great documentary.

Is the fireman hat guy one of the JACs?

[Pila]

Not unless he leaves the hat for a Jets cap with those flapping/clapping pair of cartoon hands with only 4 digits and no thumbs.

I'm sure I'll find all sorts of parallels between the JAC and Mountain Gorillas once I muster enough courage to attempt to break into this cult of primates.

[Tim]

...so it was Hoover that got it. Nice! I couldn't stand her. ;)

Also, the mother-in-law is being kept alive, at least for now. Let's see how far they'll take the amnesia plot. ;)

[Fee-Go]

I want desperately to hook up with a housewife myself, what does that make me?

[Pila]

Horny.

You're in good company.

[Pila]

We can't lose track of this classic. :frog2:

[Humbird]

Transfer it to the hall of fame thread.

[Humbird]

Transfer it to the hall of fame thread.
Nevermind, it already is.

OK. so I'm confused today. So what?

[Loco]

Those posts from our yelo friend are becoming really classic really fast.

Heyheyhehehe...

[Jacob]

Maybe it's just my usual bad memory, but since when are you in Union, Loco?

[Loco]

It's your bad memory. It wasn't a move from the 3rd floor to the 2nd, but a move nontheless.

[Jacob]

Ok then.

Speaking of which, we're currently moving from the 3rd floor to the 2nd floor. It was a son of a bitch to move everything we have downstairs in just one evening.

[Fee-Go]

Horny.

You're in good company.

Bwahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! Holy shit Pila, you're right!!!!!!! :D