View Full Version : Great moments in parenting
Pilinha and I have this game we play every time we get in the car. Since he now knows how to buckle himself in, we race to see who buckles up first. So, last night we go to Walmart to pick the re-release of the Lion King. I get this outstanding parking spot right in front of the door. After picking up the movie, I sit him down on his seat, and with both windows down and sunroof open, he starts screaming at the top of his lungs with a healthy crowd going in and out of the store, "PAPA, DON'T BEAT ME! DON'T BEAT ME!"
I got the hell out of there before the cops showed up.
Now, rewind back about four or five years:
Mrs. Pila gets four Wisdom teeth pulled at the Dentist. She's all groggy from the anesthesia… anyways, on the way home I stop at the supermarket to get her prescription painkillers. Since she's all grogged up, I leave her in the car. On my way back to the car, I notice Mrs.Pila with the door open, half out of the car, but still with the seat belt on. She's hanging out of the car, her mouth full of bloody cotton. Some of the blood had dripped down her neck… Apparently, she was trying to spit out the blood because she couldn't swallow her saliva yet.
Any ways, I go over to her and start yelling at her, asking her what the hell she was doing while helping her back into the car. She's tossing her head all over the place like a drunk, with blood now dripping down to her blouse… meanwhile, this old couple walking to the store, notices the scene. I can only imagine what it must have looked like to them… but both start walking really fast to the store. Once they got to the door, the old man shouts, "Leave her alone! We're gonna call the cops!"
I got the hell out of there before the cops showed up.
Share your similar experiences.
Humbird
10-09-2003, 10:44 AM
about 2 years ago I wake up in the middle of the night with a terrible nose bleed. It won't stop. We apply pressure, ice, everything, and it won't stop. Mr. H calls 911. The paramedics come, one sits with me in the bathroom working on the problem and the other takes Mr. H into the kitchen and interrogates him about possible domestic violence.
Bwahahahaha! :D It'll take me some time to think of something as funny as those two stories!
When you get your wisdom teeth pulled out, you just don't know where the hell you are.
Tinto
10-09-2003, 11:05 AM
This doesn't have anything to do with parenting, but,
First year I was going out with my wife she got us invites to a function at the French consulate. Champagne producers were throwing a party. Hours'deurves, and all the finest Champagne houses set up throughout the consulate, which is located in a large mansion in one of Toronto's more exclusive neighbourhoods. A formal affair. Also you need to know it was February, (very cold), and that my wife is allergic to shrimp.
So the evening was going great, when my wife comes up to me with a kind of strangled look and said she just ate some kind of cracker with what turned out to be shrimp on it. Not really serious, but we have to leave because her face is already starting to swell.
I knew I'd be drinking, so we'd come in a cab. Unfortunately, instead of calling one from the consulate, I'd insisted we'd easily catch one on the busy main road just a block away. Guess what? No cabs, her face now looks like she's hiding a package of marshmallows in one cheek, and she's already freezing, it's more than 20 below. She starts yelling that she can't go back in the consulate looking like that, and I better find her a cab right away or she's gonna start crying. The next few things happened pretty well simoultaneously.
1. I stuck out my hand violently and said "What do you expect me to do, jump in front of a car?
2. She thought she saw the lights of a cab and stepped forward into the path of my fist.
3. The lights turned out to belong to a cop car.
The police stopped to find her on her back crying with her face swollen, and me looking like I didn't know whether to laugh or run. Until SHE was able to tell them what happened, it looked like I might be in for a rough time.
They turned out to be nice guys. They drove us to her apartment.
:laugh2:
I'm trying to remeber anything nearly as funny but I just can't.
For those with kids, what was the strangest thing you've ever found in your VCR?
Once, I found a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and a Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwich.
Tinto
10-09-2003, 11:33 AM
I don't have kids, and I found those exact same things in my vcr. What's your point?
Hehehe:D
I thought you were going to say that you once found a video in it.
Humbird
10-09-2003, 11:38 AM
Post it notes. Our vcr broke and I took it to the repair place and it was full of post it notes. Mr. H likes to put a post it note on a tape when he records it so he can view it later. Apparently he never took the post-its off the tape when he put them in the player. They pulled off when the tape was ejected. Why he never noticed they were gone is beyond me. There had to be 2 dozen yellow post-its in the interior of the machine.
Originally posted by Humbird
Post it notes. Our vcr broke and I took it to the repair place and it was full of post it notes. Mr. H likes to put a post it note on a tape when he records it so he can view it later. Apparently he never took the post-its off the tape when he put them in the player. They pulled off when the tape was ejected. Why he never noticed they were gone is beyond me. There had to be 2 dozen yellow post-its in the interior of the machine.
Which is why you took it to the repair place....
Great one Tinto, Hummy, & Pila...
Will share one later....
I once found a porno in my VCR.
It wasn't mine!
Tinto
10-09-2003, 12:11 PM
It wasn't mine!
What a coincidence, I'm missing one. Send it to me. :)
I would thing that you'd be updated by now. VHS is a thing of the past.
scpdude
10-10-2003, 03:11 PM
Wow, i gotta get ready for this stuff!
Oh yeah, Mrs.Scpdude is pregnant with twins!
Yeah , I said it .... friggin TWINS!
So basically, i'm gonna have my hands full!
Does anybody have twins or know anyone that has twins!
Fill me in on the horror stories!
thanks:coffee::eek2: :eek2: :eek2:
Originally posted by scpdude
Wow, i gotta get ready for this stuff!
Oh yeah, Mrs.Scpdude is pregnant with twins!
Yeah , I said it .... friggin TWINS!
So basically, i'm gonna have my hands full!
Does anybody have twins or know anyone that has twins!
Fill me in on the horror stories!
thanks:coffee::eek2: :eek2: :eek2:
Congrats man! Here's to going broke for the next 18 years of your life....
Couto 5
10-11-2003, 12:00 PM
One thing I will say I am not very proud of is the day I got involved in a pub brawl and punched my wife out. This guy said something to me , I saw red & unleashed a combo from hell in which he really had no idea was coming , so after he copped the 1st combohe got up & i was about to unleash the 2nd round , when all of a sudden my wife jumped in the way and she was quick aswell , luckily for her she is shorter than most and copped it flush on her fore head , but enough to give her a headache for a few days & that guy we never saw again , him & his mates legged it after that. But really after that my wife has vowed when I see red not to get in the way & 2ndly I have vowed never to get into pub brawls again.
Couto 5
10-11-2003, 12:04 PM
Originally posted by scpdude
Wow, i gotta get ready for this stuff!
Oh yeah, Mrs.Scpdude is pregnant with twins!
Yeah , I said it .... friggin TWINS!
So basically, i'm gonna have my hands full!
Does anybody have twins or know anyone that has twins!
Fill me in on the horror stories!
thanks:coffee::eek2: :eek2: :eek2:
1st of all congrats man , there are no horror stories just hope there is planty of support from your parents and the inlaws . Twins are a joy. Not that I have any , but apperently according to me wifes bullshitting ripoff clairvoyant she sees often my wife & I are having twins , a boy and a girl :hammer: If its true I'd be happy
Originally posted by scpdude
Does anybody have twins or know anyone that has twins!
Fill me in on the horror stories!
My sister and I are twins. Suposedly my mother nearly fainted when the doctor told her the news, and my father actually did pass out. THEN they had the 'shotgun' wedding--literaly, there was a gun involved (my dad didn't wanna do it and got some Italian-style encouragement;)). The story is that we were a pleasure to raise, since basically we amused ourselves most of the time--it was like having a friend around all the time. I think that's because we're girls and they are easier to deal with. But to be fair, my parents never had any other kids. There's probably a reason for that. ;)
My cousins, while not twins, were terrible though. They used to fight all the time, and not just pushing and shoving, real knock down drag outs. One time my younger cousin hit his older brother over the head with a lead pipe (they were 2 and 5 at the time). They were at the ER so much, all the nurses knew them on a first name basis. I have many fond childhood memories of them fighting up and down the stairs while my grandmother hit them both with her cane while yelling at them in Italian. Good times. :D
RIO
Humbird
10-11-2003, 07:50 PM
Originally posted by scpdude
Wow, i gotta get ready for this stuff!
Oh yeah, Mrs.Scpdude is pregnant with twins!
Yeah , I said it .... friggin TWINS!
They will be a boy and a girl.
You will name them scpdude, Jr. and scpdudette.
That is all.
scpdude
10-12-2003, 08:19 AM
thanks guys!
Well done, dude! Get as much sleep as you can now. If you're into afternoon naps (like I was) say good bye to 'em for a good three years at least.
Good luck & major kudos!:)
Humbird
10-13-2003, 08:46 AM
afternoon naps at the office, Pila?
scpdude
10-13-2003, 11:07 AM
thanks everybody!
Razor
10-14-2003, 06:39 AM
Nice work - your life will soon no longer be your own...and once you first lay eyes on them, you'll be pleasantly suprised to discover that you won't mind at all.
Congratulations- and good luck!
PS - Sleep in every chance you get until the day they are born, even if you're not tired. "Sleeping in" (sleeping in = 7:30 AM) one night will be worth its weight in gold over the next year.
PPS - Next time you feel like spontaneously going out to eat, catching a movie, going to the store - hell, even taking a dump; stop - and savor the underappreciated gift of time. It might just be the single greatest sacrifice of parenthood (again, more than compensated for with all the great stuff associated with being a parent). Once they come - something as simple as taking a 5 minute shower will require 45 minutes of careful coordination & planning between you and your woman.
Speaking of parenting, how was the show, R?
Razor
10-14-2003, 10:57 AM
Originally posted by Loco
Speaking of parenting, how was the show, R?
The Wiggles perform at Verizon Arena in Manchester, NH on November 13th.
Speaking of which - up until yesterday, "The Wiggles" episodes viewed by our kids were originally taped/aired in '98 & '99 in Australia and brought to the US by Disney. "Fruit Salad", "Hot Potato" et al are all four or five years old. Not since Lucas unveiled "The Phantom Menace" has a long-awaited sequel (er, prequel) been as eagerly anticipated or sucked as much as the much-vaunted "NEW" Wiggles' episodes that the sadists at Disney unveiled at us on Columbus Day via an 8-hour marathon of "all new episodes" yesterday. A rare day off with the kids on a perfect fall day was nearly marred with 16 back-to-back-to-back-to-back...back-to-back episodes of the Wiggle Cult.
The good news is that the new episodes Suck (note the capital "S"). There's a new vibe to the show where they apparently feel that they're "exploring their creative space" that global dominance..er, fame...have brought them. The result is a weak knock-off of "Banana Splits" without an animated Tom Sawyer, Danger Island or Gulliver to bore us. They think they're making a red album/blue album break in their career, but they've really just abandoned the girl they brought to the dance. The good news of all this is that the current version of the Wiggles is so awful that they will be off the air before SCPDude's kids have any sort of awareness as to their existence.
And for this we can all sleep well at night - even those of us with infants in the house.
Humbird
10-14-2003, 11:05 AM
Originally posted by Razor
They think they're making a red album/blue album break in their career, but they've really just abandoned the girl they brought to the dance.
Yes, Razor, the Beatles went through this stage in their career around the time of the White Album. George and Patti went to study in India, John met Yoko and Paul met Linda. We still aren't sure of what purpose Ringo served.
So perhaps, the days of the Wiggles are numbered, soon they will split, their fans will blame Linda and Yoko, and they will all move to India to study with the Maharishi Yogi.
Razor
10-14-2003, 11:21 AM
Originally posted by Humbird
Yes, Razor, the Beatles went through this stage in their career around the time of the White Album. George and Patti went to study in India, John met Yoko and Paul met Linda. We still aren't sure of what purpose Ringo served.
So perhaps, the days of the Wiggles are numbered, soon they will split, their fans will blame Linda and Yoko, and they will all move to India to study with the Maharishi Yogi.
Who is the Walrus? Anthony? Also - Jeff was barefoot throughout the entire episode at 9:30 yesterday. Does that mean that he's dead and they've inserted a Jeff imposter in his place? If I play "Dorothy The Dinosaur" backwards will it say "Jefff issss deadddddd"?
Somebody hold me.
Humbird
10-14-2003, 11:23 AM
I am the Walrus, koo koo ka joob.
As long as the octopus stays, no complaints from me.
Humbird
10-14-2003, 11:38 AM
Loco, that last post made no sense whatsoever. No relation to what was said before, no attempt to move the discussion forward. Amazing.
A question: Did you understand the question and simply refused to debate the issue, choosing to make this pointless statement instead? Or are you truly unable to follow the discussion?
Whatever. You keep talking about your Beatles, I still like octopuses. They have eight arms and tentacles, ya know.
Humbird
10-14-2003, 11:46 AM
You're right as always, Loco.
Razor
10-14-2003, 11:47 AM
On the contrary, Loco's joke was relevant and vitally pertinent to the topic at hand. Add a multi-textured nuance to a prominent Wiggles' periphery character (Henry the Octopus, incidentally voiced by the aforementioned Jeff) and you have a rich and insightful post from the poorly-labeled Loco.
Loco like a fox...
Humbird
10-14-2003, 11:50 AM
check your pm's Raz.
I'm not insane at all, 'tis why I was thinking to changing my handle to a more suiting one, like 'borracho'.
Originally posted by Humbird
check your pm's Raz.
Check you PM's as well Hummy.....
RedEagle
10-14-2003, 01:24 PM
First I want to congratulate SCPDude on his news. The last Sporting fan that came here telling us he was expecting to be the father of twins disappeared from our mist. Alc was the name, and he was a cool as a Wakefield knuckler. But alas the twins must have buried him under diapers, lack of sleep, baths, cries, and possibly Benficaritis.
Now on to one of the best posts I've read in a long time:
Originally posted by Razor
The Wiggles perform at Verizon Arena in Manchester, NH on November 13th.
Speaking of which - up until yesterday, "The Wiggles" episodes viewed by our kids were originally taped/aired in '98 & '99 in Australia and brought to the US by Disney. "Fruit Salad", "Hot Potato" et al are all four or five years old. Not since Lucas unveiled "The Phantom Menace" has a long-awaited sequel (er, prequel) been as eagerly anticipated or sucked as much as the much-vaunted "NEW" Wiggles' episodes that the sadists at Disney unveiled at us on Columbus Day via an 8-hour marathon of "all new episodes" yesterday. A rare day off with the kids on a perfect fall day was nearly marred with 16 back-to-back-to-back-to-back...back-to-back episodes of the Wiggle Cult.
The good news is that the new episodes Suck (note the capital "S"). There's a new vibe to the show where they apparently feel that they're "exploring their creative space" that global dominance..er, fame...have brought them. The result is a weak knock-off of "Banana Splits" without an animated Tom Sawyer, Danger Island or Gulliver to bore us. They think they're making a red album/blue album break in their career, but they've really just abandoned the girl they brought to the dance. The good news of all this is that the current version of the Wiggles is so awful that they will be off the air before SCPDude's kids have any sort of awareness as to their existence.
And for this we can all sleep well at night - even those of us with infants in the house.
Razor, major kudos for this piece of writing. The last two times I complimented your wit, you had deceived me by quoting the great Dr.Evil and Austin Powers. But alas not this time. This genuine piece of advice on children's programing still has me smirking.
Humbird
10-14-2003, 02:03 PM
Indeed it was a Razoriffic post. :D
dfport7
10-14-2003, 08:28 PM
some funny stories here, and congrats to scpdude, good luck.
thought id share a story that i think falls into the original line of conversation for your enjoyment
when i was about 4 or 5 my mother took me into a Party City/Party Fair type store (sells decorations, costumes, gags, etc) to get decorations for a party we were having. We had time, so my mom was just walking around browsing through the aisles. She stopped at a swivel stand that displayed those joke ID cards intended to have some sort of funny line on it which you in turn present to people for a laugh. i asked my mother "what are these?" and she told me they were cards with jokes on them, naturally i followed up with "why" so eventually my mom said something along the lines of "they are like the credit cards mommy has, except they are fake. they are not real, they are for play" i ended the conversation with the typical "can i have one?" followed by a swift no.after that, i ended my interrogation and my mom continued shopping, assuming i had forgotten all about it.
My mom ended her browsing, and went to the counter. i remember she was making a substantial purchase with lots of items for this party. The store manager was also standing behind the counter doing stock. The cashier finished totalling up all the items, and my mom started fishing through her pocket book. she pulled out her credit card and handed it to the cashier. at the site of the credit card, i yelled out"Mommy, is that the FAKE credit card?!!??"
my mother immediately gave me a death stare, but then quickly turned back to the lady, knowing she couldnt scold becuase that would show that she didnt want the lady to hear what i had said. i remember there being an awkward silence, and my mom began to explain that i was talking about the fake ID cards i had seen on the rack. puzzled, the woman hesitated and eventually consulted the manager behind her. my mom was so embarressed at this whole ordeal, and the manager had make some sort of phone call to confirm it was real. Well, of course it turned out all right, but my mom went and told my dad what i had done, and he in turn scolded me, saying" i cant say that in front of people" what the hell did i know, i was 4 years old, and couldnt possibly understand what was wrong with what i said.
oh well, one of many antics i am responsible for. i was just excited becuase i thought my mom was buying one of those fake cards that i had asked for, and inadvertenly got my mom into a big mess.
Couto 5
10-15-2003, 08:07 AM
A bit of wiggles history for you's guys tonite.
Before they were the people you see today they were actually a pretty successfulAaustralian pub band called the "Cockroaches".
They were pretty shit , they are only considered susuccessful now cause they are the wiggles. They couldnt scam any groupies when they were in the pubs , now they only try and scam the kiddies mothers :D & as if I wouldnt try & do the same :D
BTW fella's there is a new aussie movie out called the "Wannabee's " a movie taking the piss out of the wiggles :D
Uh-oh!
In what seems to be a wake of destruction, child entertainers 'The Wiggles" are now blamed for the incredible high pregnancy rate in metropolitan areas. Their victims being young mothers with children aged 2-7.
The pregnancies follow the same path as their recent 2003 concert schedule. It has been said that only weeks after The Wiggles leave town, obstetrician are flood with young mothers with vague stories surrounding their condition.
Certain women's groups have now taken aim at Wiggles member's Greg, Anthony, Murray and Jeff. Many groups have begun protesting concerts, even going as far as throwing cow's blood on Wag the Dog. Although is has been noted the Wags costume material has been replace with fake dog hair which should appease certain activists.
These recent accusation against The Wiggles have not affected ticket sales. Their presence seems overpower than the press. This was first discovered back in 1998 after Captain Feathersword was arrested in Seattle with a transvestite hooker.
Someone tell Rzor to leave the Mrs. at home.
scpdude
06-25-2005, 09:49 PM
wow, this thread brings back memories.... Ahhh my days of freedom!!
update on the twins, they are a year and a half now (2 girls-Identical) and things are going just fine! ( sometimes a little crazy but nonetheless great)
My life totally changed , that's for sure!
spontaneous is no longer in my vocab any more!!
I almost have no time to watch Scp anymore!
Almost! ;)
LadyEagle
06-28-2005, 03:15 PM
Now, rewind back about four or five years:
Mrs. Pila gets four Wisdom teeth pulled at the Dentist. She's all groggy from the anesthesia… anyways, on the way home I stop at the supermarket to get her prescription painkillers. Since she's all grogged up, I leave her in the car. On my way back to the car, I notice Mrs.Pila with the door open, half out of the car, but still with the seat belt on. She's hanging out of the car, her mouth full of bloody cotton. Some of the blood had dripped down her neck… Apparently, she was trying to spit out the blood because she couldn't swallow her saliva yet.
Any ways, I go over to her and start yelling at her, asking her what the hell she was doing while helping her back into the car. She's tossing her head all over the place like a drunk, with blood now dripping down to her blouse… meanwhile, this old couple walking to the store, notices the scene. I can only imagine what it must have looked like to them… but both start walking really fast to the store. Once they got to the door, the old man shouts, "Leave her alone! We're gonna call the cops!"
Oh, man this was hilarious! :D Made me laugh so hard.
Last Friday I had two of my teeth pulled out. One on each side of my mouth, both upper teeth. That anesthesia is funny. I had so much that I couldn’t feel part of my nose and it went all the way up to my left eye. So I couldn’t feel the upper part of my mouth. Plus the nurse told me I could not spit, I had to “drool”. And so I did. I was on the chair after my teeth had been extracted without that little sucking thing…I started to gag on my saliva and blood. I asked to go to the bathroom to drool and I did alright. I took an extra piece of tissue because I am so smart. ;) I was sent home.
Of course this is happening in Newark in a very busy street. My lovely husband decided to park the car what seemed to be ten blocks away so we had to walk for a while. We were stopped at a light to cross the street with other people around and I start gagging again. Jacob keeps telling me, “Spit it out, spit it out!” I try to mumble and yell that I am not allowed to spit and that I am not able to anyway because of the anesthesia. But I couldn’t take it anymore.
So I drooled the saliva and blood right onto that tissue I got from the bathroom. I also drooled unto my face, my arm and my shirt. I went to the side of the building and I started freaking out telling Jacob to find tissue in my purse. He did but it was too late. The damage had been done. He cleaned my face and arm, but nothing you could do about the shirt. I walked the rest of the way to the car holding the bag from the dentist to my chest so that the people couldn't see all the blood and saliva on my shirt.
We I got home I drooled some more. Jacob dropped me home before getting the medicine. (Hint to Pila ;)) But it ends up that I didn’t deem it necessary to take the pills. All I needed was some extra paper towels covering my pillow to protect it from "the drool". I only freaked out 100 times that day, and I didn't even cry every time. lol :D
Good thing they did both teeth that day I am not sure I’d go back for more.
Thanks Pila for this story. :) :D
PS-Congrats to scpdude. You must have your hands full. :)
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